Saturday, April 03, 2010


Julien Dupré
(1851 - 1910)
The Reapers
“And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall
reap if we do not lose heart” (Galatians 6:9 NKJV)
You know, sometimes you just pray and pray for God to change people's hearts or change a situation, or change you. But it doesn't happen. You look up to see the heavens are brass.  I remember when my mother was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, how I prayed. But as I prayed, I knew that I was praying against God's will.  I do not know why I felt this, but I did. I prayed anyways. She lived for an uncharacteristically long time for her diagnosis - six and a half months, and perhaps this was just so we would come to a place where we would be able to let her go.
Then there are times, and I am not making this up, where I have felt the Lord prodding me to name my need, specifically, like when we had very little money and some big debt. I was doing dishes, alone in the kitchen and I was thinking about it. I felt that nudge to just say what I needed. So I figured it out in my head, and said, "Well, Lord, I think $20,000 would take care of absolutely everything."
The next week, a wealthy relative of mine just decided, unsolicited and out of the blue, to give me $20,000. I say, out of the blue, because that money just seemed to fall out of the sky, right from heaven.
But I think that sometimes I have prayed for years without answer for a thing, and persevered, just because the alternative is a dark place that I do not want to go - that place is called despair. And that is a place where we must never go, nor even entertain the thought for a millisecond. Not when we battle in prayer against true evil, or for things that are undeniably right. 
There are other things, insurmountable things in my life, other people's choices and things I cannot control, and for those I must continue to learn acceptance.  That is for the best, and it builds holiness. But there are also things which I cannot quit praying for while I live and those things mostly concern my children. And children in general. 
And ironically, I feel burdened always to pray for those who are discouraged.  When I speak to people or when I write, I always feel myself led to encourage someone, or make people laugh and feel light-hearted. Because I cannot stand for people to be overwhelmed with sadness or fear. Because despair, for me, is always at the door, right there, pushing, pushing. And I do not wish that for anybody.
So with God's help, indeed it is most likely God alone who does it, I push back. Sometimes hard, sometimes barely able to resist, but yet I am still standing. So I would just like to write tonight, on Good Friday, the night the Light of the World lay extinguished in the damp, cold blackness of the tomb, that we must keep on, keep on praying, keep on knocking, keep on seeking God. We will sow our prayers and patiently tend our little fields, the lives He has given us, and wait for the Easter Sunday of answered prayer. We will reap a bountiful harvest if we faint not. We invest our time and our hopes, as the farmer who sows and tends his field. Why? Because as Peter said, "Where else are we going, Lord? You alone have the words of eternal life".
He's the only game in town, as far as I'm concerned, and I've got to trust, and so do you, that even when we don't feel peace or feel we are about to be swallowed up by worry and anxiety, that He is there, He is not surprised, He loves us and He is working everything out for the best. And as regards our loved ones, He does not desire the death of any sinner, but rather that they all turn and be saved. So, therefore, we keep on praying that they'll find their way, along the narrow path lit by our prayers, to the doorstep of their very  home.


  1. Anonymous12:03 AM

    This lovely, Emmarinda....thank you. I have some very heavy prayers on my heart right now, & also do not want to go to that place called "despair".

    in Him,

  2. Brenda, if you take that energy and time that it takes to rehearse the problem in your head, and apply those to fervent prayer and thanksgiving to God instead, you will not lose heart, and you'll see God working in wonderful ways. We have to tell ourselves (because its true) that good things are going to happen, big and small, and in so doing, we stay in God's will and have His joy and peace. Please be assured that I will be praying for you and whatever your needs are at this time. God bless!


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